The Last Day of 2013

In a few hours, we will say goodbye to 2013 and say hello to 2014.

Another year gone.  Many of us would look back to mark our life events.  I look back at mine and realize it was a routine year.  Work, home, work, home. Was there really anything significant enough for it to be a life event?  Nope. Everyday was the same.  Work, home, work, home.

Just like last year.

Except 2013 was a happier year.  No heartaches that bewildered me.  This year, my lovelife was clear-cut, no questions as to where we were going to go -- nowhere permanent although possibly long-term; no doubts as to what I mean to him and vice-versa -- nothing permanent although possibly long-term.  No grey areas.  Clear.  Crystal.  It's great that it's simple.  But since I am female, nothing is ever simple. I tend to make things complicated with imagined scenarios, whims, caprices and idiosyncrasies.  I get jealous. I get envious.  I get moody.  And, boy, can I get irrational!  There are times when I want to stomp my feet like the spoiled brat that I am and demand for more attention, more time, more whatever, but I don't because it is pointless.  I just put on my Gollum, my precious, face and seethe until I come to my senses. I take comfort in the knowledge that I can simply walk away when things get too tough just like the song "when the going gets tough, the tough get going" or the other one "these boots are made for walking and that's just what they'll do".

Still, I cannot help but feel a little sad, a twinge of pain or a wee bit disappointed even if I know there is no reason I should.  Like when he says he'll pass by but gets lost in time with his golf buddies then he needs to rush home.  On the rare instances when this happens, I feel a yearning to be with a man who is free.  He who need not rush home.  He who need not lurk in dark corners to see me.  He who can take me out.  He who can give me everything that I want and need. He who can be my boyfriend, my husband. He who does not exist or is yet to be found.  

As I said above, I had no heartaches that bewildered me aside from the few almost-heartaches that I had no choice but to shrug off.  Manageable with the least of efforts.

So here I am, killing the last few hours of the year talking pointlessly, nibbling Cukay's fruitcake (the BESTEST!), smoking, waiting for my turn on Words with Friends, listening to my neighbors' karaoke, waiting for any sign from my precious that he remembers I exist and looking forward to another year as if I had any other choice. 

All in all, 2013 was a good year.  It was a celebration of life and love with a firm grasp of the reality that it is temporary although possibly long-term.

December 2013

Why, it's Christmas!  

Didn't the year just flash by?!?

What a disaster in the Visayas this month.  Typhoon Yolanda destroyed so much when it passed.  So many people dead... so much laid to waste!  

These natural calamities are coming quite often.  The end feels like it is just around the corner.  The Phivolcs presented an earthquake study to Meralco sometime this year which showed the level of destruction at various magnitudes.  Meralco's main office is only .92km away from the Marikina fault line so if a major earthquake, which is due, occurs during office hours, goodbye, Philippines!  Goodbye, Winnie!  Boom!

What are we to do?  Repent!  Pray!  But in reality, all we can do is live. Happily.  Insured.  Just in case you are survived by heirs.  

Do these disasters create a clamor for insurance?  I wonder if it tweaks the demand for it?  Are the insurance companies prospering?  Or are they failing due to their exposure?  How do they manage?  I know I pay a pittance for my security so how do they do it?  I'm sure an insurance guru will educate me shortly.

Companies are on charity mode.  No Christmas parties.  No gifts.  We must help our countrymen.  Give until it hurts, so people say.  So we the lucky, ordinary citizens give.  Time, money and effort with no expectations of heavenly blessings, public recognition or applause (except for some, apparently).

I am gobsmacked with news on how people or organizations squabble over who gets to give the relief goods, who is in charge of distribution and such idiotic issues.  For shame!  Why can't they all coordinate and find weaknesses in the chain and augment these chinks with their strengths?  Why would it matter to them who people think the help is coming from?  The world is helping and that is enough.  Check and balance should be  a team effort.  Everybody should be working together side by side.  No one should be the star.  

Why do we hear stories of people profiting from relief efforts?  Surely, everyone knows that those who steal from the poor will rot in hell for all eternity.  Painfully.  With no reprieve.  We all know that hell is real, don't we?!?  I know it is.  What a dreadful place.  But destiny is destiny.  Satan must recruit and populate his kingdom.  Hell is powered by the suffering of its inhabitants.  The screams and moans of suffering energizes its transmission lines at a constant peak.  There can be no lull or hell will freeze over.

There is no Christmas in hell.

November 2013

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll not hear from me anymore because heck yeah! It IS Christmas! 

Last Friday, my friend's father, passed away. Despite all the years he had been threatening to pass away, it still was a very sad time even for me when he finally did.  No one can ever be prepared to say goodbye to someone dear no matter how you try to convince yourself that he is in a better place or that he is finally at rest or he is finally free of all the pain and suffering.  I tell Kayla whenever I can to not be so sad when I pass away.  She gave me enough happiness and sadness to last me the lifetime that I was due.  No regrets.  

A lady who can see spirits was in the wake and she finally gave the messages that Tito asked her to deliver when he pleaded.  I wish he was more specific in his message to me.  LOL.

I was very touched by how the children showed how much they appreciated the service of their father's yaya of 23 years. Her loyalty is really commendable and his children showed her that she was not a mere servant but truly a part of their family.  She will take care of the fur babies that Tito left behind.

I attended mass each day of the wake... more than all the masses I've attended in 20 years! The responses are different.  Weird.  The priest said we start to die the moment we are born so live life to the fullest in God's grace. 

Does that translate to YOLO?

Transitions

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I decided it was time for a change.  I was looking at my phone wondering who to call when a text message came in.  He asked what's up.  Tadah!  He's up, that's what.

And that's how he became my transitions guy.  He became the bridge to the next point that I hoped to go to.  I remember musing about how unusual the whole scenario was.  It was so typical yet so alien.  Many times I felt horrified by the dangers that went with it.  Never mind, it's all temporary.  But then it all started to change.  I was amused when he started breaking unwritten rules like texting me good morning, good night and then in the weekends.  It was simply not done!  He's not supposed to MEAN anything!  Yet these small gestures started to make me smile... then they started to make me happy.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, my transitions guy became the most important guy in my life.  Who would have known?  He is the one I draw strength from in my tiring life.  I breathe easier because later, I know he'll give me a hug and take the stress away.  He cannot be everything that I need but he keeps me from giving up when times are really tough.  That is all he can be and that is all that I need for now.

Some day, like all good things, it will end.  I hope the memories he will have of me will be happy ones.

Crush Video

The video that went viral last week showing three girls torturing a puppy until it died has really distressed me.  I love dogs as everyone knows so I feel strongly about this.  Articles on "crushing" talked about other small animals like rabbits and monkeys being tortured have horrified me.  Pure evil!  I can't understand how anyone can do it!

They say everyone has a good side.  I don't see how there can be a good side to anyone who could hurt a helpless animal to death.  The smallest yelp of pain from any animal alarms me and fills me with rage let alone torture!

Psychologists interviewed on the topic talked about possible abuse and bad experiences in the participants' childhood.  They are victims themselves.  I can't accept that as an explanation for this behavior.

Curiously, I can accept this analysis about psychos who kill people but where children and animals are concerned, no.  Those sick people who hurt helpless beings should be penalized and given extra suffering before they are sent to their ultimate destiny in hell. For such acts, I cry for the reinstatement of the death penalty.

This small picture of the poor puppy being stepped on is unbelievably heinous.  I run to hug my precious babbies to my heart.  Did any of these girls' parents see this?  Did they think their daughters were monsters?  Their mothers must have felt something indescribably horrible.

God needs to protect animals better from His likeness.

October 2013

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 2 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas! 

It was a harrowing last week of September.  First we had to work through the night to prepare materials for a big meeting.  I just scooted home for a shower and then back to work and  attend our G1’s 50^th birthday bash at the end of the day.  I was so tired when I got home that I walked through the house without seeing my sick daughter splayed out on the sofa.

The next day, she was so sick that I had to take her to the hospital where she was confined for a couple of days.  It was her first time to be seriously sick as an adult.  She was like an injured kitten except when she had friends visiting and then she was like a talk show host.  When her friends were gone, she went back to the injured kitten act.  I had to get a semi-private room for her as our HMO cover was hardly half of a small private room and since I had no idea how grave her condition was, I decided to just bear a semi-private.  That meant she had her own room but shared the toilet with 4 other rooms.  The showers were in the middle of the floor and that was like a scene from Psycho.  I showered at 4AM on Sunday in such a rush I hardly lathered! I was distressed as the diagnosis was kidney stones for surgical removal as the stones were too big for her to pass.  It turned out the radiologist read the CT scan of another Ruiz.  So she was put on home medication for UTI and gall bladder sludge.

We had to postpone our trip to visit my 94-year old grandmother scheduled last weekend.  We were so excited to have a pictorial for 4 generations.  It will have to wait until the end of this month.

Marcus told me Igor is doing well.  I miss him and I worry whenever there's a thunderstorm.  He fears thunder.  I worry he'll step on a poisonous snake (like the deadly dahong-palay!!!) and get bitten because he's a city boy and is snake stupid.  I miss his handsome face.

I'm trying to let my hair grow long. It's at an awkward stage and reminds me of Nora Aunor.  I hope I get through the day without heading for the chop shop.

September 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 3 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

I've been stalking my friends on FB and I noticed how their lives are so alive!  Their profiles are full of piccies of meet ups with their friends for trips, nights out in town, drinking til dawn and having so much fun!  Aside from the occasional ravin', my pics are mostly about my dogs, Kayla, my dogs and well, my dogs!  My life is so quiet!  I seem so SETTLED! 

And then it occurred to me that most of my life is not allowed in public!  Aha!  So I sat back and smiled.  My life isn't dull.  It is covert!  I love that word... COVERT!

Ruth has been spending money like she's a gazillionaire.  Maybe she is and she's not telling me.  Witch!  She told me she wants to enjoy life while she's still young and able to enjoy it afterall what can happen?  Nothing!  She can just run out of money and then she'll be old and poor and then she'll die. She is so wise. People are dropping dead like flies.  Boom!  Boom!  Boom!  We gotta enjoy life until it goes BOOM!  What else can happen, eh?

I always ask my friends to make sure my dogs go to good homes should I suddenly go boom.  I dread the thought of them out in the world by their defenseless selves.  I will be a ghost watching over them and I will torment whoever harms them.  Ruth said I will never suddenly go boom.  I will suffer long and hard she said.  She loves me.

Igor is enjoying his life, I was told.  I miss him a lot.  I don't cry as much but I miss him painfully.  

It's the first -ber month!!!  Christmas is in the air!  The reindeer are limbering up!  Yo-ho!

Office Satan

This admin job can kill me dead on my feet.

Everyday is a busy day unless I choose it not to be.  Everything needs immediate attention unless I choose to ignore it.

One day sometime ago, I went home so tired I wanted to weep but when I look back at my days each day, I feel that what I do are immaterial to real business.  It feels insignificant, unimportant, expendable.  

What do I do anyway?  I cannot even identify specific tasks aside from logistics, property management, procurement and document management.  Nothing anyone else cannot do.  I am resigned to this life.  No professional milestones.  No incredible feats.  No fireworks.  All I really do is breathe down everyone's necks and give them a little taste of hell.   

Some of my co-workers tell me they feel more secure when I handle stuff because they get the feeling things will happen no matter what.  Some tell me I handle things more efficiently and more directly.

Is this anything special or is this merely an illusion?

Sometimes I feel the need to be needed.  Important.  

Sometimes I don't want to simply be neglected to get the job done. 

I guess most administrative jobs are like this... a mere contingency.

August 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 4 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

It has been over a month since I re-homed Igor and I feel no better than the first day he was not with me.  I miss his handsome, aquiline face.  I miss the doleful eyes that followed me everywhere I went.  I miss his warmth and weight against my leg as he waited for me to decide to get out of bed.  I miss how he would slide over me so he could snuggle up against my belly.  I suppose I will always miss him.

There's a quote on how dogs teach us about love and one can never be replaced so each one expands one's heart.  No one can ever replace Igor.  His space in my heart will always be his and it will never shrink.  Even as my other babbies come to give me love, the ache from Igor's absence can never be appeased.  

I worry about him every minute.  It doesn't matter that I know he will be treated well in his new home. It doesn't matter that he might be happier there... How can he be when I am not there?  His mommy is not there and I know he is wondering what he did wrong for me to leave him.  Am I being selfish?  Am I being inconsiderate?  I try to see the good side of it but it is all immaterial because I will never stop regretting I re-homed him.  I failed to be his mommy until the end of his short life... he who gave me nothing but love and devotion. 

My life may seem to be going on in the same old unremarkable way but there is gloom in one area.  There is a dead spot in my heart.  There is a deep wound in my soul that will bleed eternally.

To Be or Not To Be... in Awe

Yesterday, I confided in Thor that I sometimes fear that he will tire of me because I am intellectually apathetic and that I feel he simplifies or skims when he speaks of topics he's interested in because he thinks I will not absorb it.  He sometimes just drops it.  He does it not because he thinks I'm stupid but because he knows it does not interest me.  It's not my fault he's voracious for knowledge and is never content with simple information but researches and cross-references with other materials.  His mind to information is a school of hungry piranha to a chunk of meat.  He attacks it until it is fully consumed.

One of my friends, Dr. JB, told me to be in love with someone is to be in awe.  I guess this is true.  If I were not in awe with Thor, he would not enthrall me.  If he were an ordinary guy he would simply be that to me with opinions and thoughts to be dismissed.  Unlike now that I am besotted so I exert feeble effort to keep up with his interests.  I do Google and read at least 30 words of any topic.

He told me my fear saddened him.  Maybe he fears he will bore me with too much information and then I will treat him like an ordinary guy?  Perhaps someday, I will yell for a cup of coffee to keep me awake while he speaks about his topic for the day?

My practical, jaded side whispers in the back of my head.  She's muttering something about what the hell is all this ruckus about when this is all temporary so drop whatever worries me and bask in the glory of our passion afterall it will eventually wane, fade and die.  Flip your hair, fix your push-up bra and don't think about it because it is a bunch of nonsense.  Que sera, sera.  

Isn't she ever so wise?

July 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 5 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

My little girl, Kayla is all grown up!  She's going to OJT in Shell starting today.  We went to buy office clothes for her last weekend and it was so much fun!  Soon, she will be going to the office for real!  Wow!  Imagine that?  No more tuition!  No more allowance!  

One of my little dreams came true last month.  A dream I thought will never ever happen... my darling, Thor, and I spent a night together in a far away place.  I slept in his arms dreaming my little dreams and we woke up to the morning sun.  Bliss.

One of my big nightmares came true last month.  I had to re-home one of my babbies, Igor.  He needed to be in a better home where he will have more freedom.  I miss him a lot.  He who kept my legs warm whenever I am in bed.  He who always needed to have contact with my body.  He who let me lay my head down on his back as he napped.  My Igor.  I weep whenever I look at his spot, the pillow tower.  I weep when I eat and his face is not by my plate begging for a bite.  I weep for him as I do not weep for the people who have left my life and so my friend observed.  Why not?  Igor loves me unconditionally.  And I had to let him go... never to care for him until the day he dies.  I will love him until the day I die.  

My other babbies seem to know my grief and they crowd around me to offer comfort.  My house is so quiet... no Igor barking.  No hyper-active Pinscher cavorting and harassing the languid Shih Tzu pack.  

My babbies... dog and human alike... to be loved til the day I die.

June 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 6 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

I'm late.  It's not like me, I know!  I lost track of time and didn't notice it was June already!  The year is half gone!

I'm nursing an unidentifiable back injury that is preventing me from doing any exercise.  The doctor told me not a single activity that can stress my back and extremities is allowed.  Not even easy walking.  So I went for an easy walk the other day and after half a kilometer or so, my left leg started to ping.  I can already see it... the doctor explaining to me what the MD after his name means and why I should listen to him.  He looks vaguely familiar.  I think I might have had an affair with him when we were still in school.  He did tell me we were the same age while discussing my injury with a generous smattering of "at your age" and I remember a guy with the same surname.  What are the chances? LOL!  He doesn't remember me too!!!  More importantly, he doesn't know what's wrong with me!

Yesterday, I felt an alien feeling.  UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT.  Yes, I've been disappointed before but never did I feel as utterly disappointed as yesterday.  I have never truly appreciated this odd sounding word until then, UTTER.  I felt each and every letter like darts... no, power attacks!... to my solar plexus.  Thank God that's only 5 letters! Except it's followed by that 14-letter word!  I felt like I got hit by double multi-colored candies!  CRUSHED!!!  My unreal world went dark.  I realized just how vulnerable and utterly defenseless I allowed myself to be.  It demolished all the practical processes that I established and implemented all throughout my unremarkable, ordinary life.   Meaning I am stupid.  So much so that I wanted to tear up my birth certificate!  But it's too late, baby, yeah, it's too late.  I suppose it's what normal people do... get utterly disappointed once in a while.

I'm glad I'm utterly normal.

May 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 7 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

But right now, it is summer!  The heat is on!!!

It is 0730 and already it is hot!

I am too lazy to write.  My internet is going like a dog which does not alleviate my lack of inspiration.  

In 6 days, I will turn 44.  Old!  If I were destined to die at 60, I am practically dead. 

Time flies when your internet is fast but when it's slow... can I just be 60 and die?

Yaaargh!!!

April 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 8 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

The past few days have been blue ones.  Kayla wants to move out of our room.  She's going to move to the extra room and I will be left to sleep on my own.  She'll still have her bed in mine for when she wants to be with her mother but soon we will be apart.  I'm excited to fix up her new room.  She's excited with all the space for her clothes, her books and other junk.  It will cost me a bit but I'll be happy to make it as cozy as possible.  She'll have a sleeping area, a study area and a sitting area.  This is my project next weekend.   She told me there's no need for new stuff aside from the mattress because she's thoughtful that way and doesn't want me to spend unnecessarily.  It made me realize how someday soon, she'll move out and be independent.  It might be sooner than I can be ready for.  How time flies!

It has been two years since I have had a "husband"!  Imagine that?  TWO!  Maybe I can really be simply alone.  I just need to learn how to go out on my own.  I need to be able to go to the mall, shop, watch a movie and dine by myself.  It looks like a lonely life but I should be able to adjust.  I can not count on Kayla to keep me company anymore.  She hardly has time for me as it is.  She and Levi bring me something nice to eat when they go out (charged to my card most of the time, of course) and I appreciate that they take the time to indulge me.  I feel old and inept.  As if I'm an invalid left at home to watch the dogs.  Thank God for my dogs!  I love how their eyes follow me wherever I go and if I seem to be headed to another part of the house they immediately troop along.  

I fixed up my balcony!  I have a comfy place for late afternoons and evenings to smoke, read, play games, listen to music or just look at the stars and wait for the moon to come out.  My dogs love it!  They're so cute sticking their faces close to the small gaps in the barricade to watch the goings-on below.  They enjoy the summer breeze.  Mojee Boy loves how the wind ruffles his hair.  They take turns climbing up to sit in my lap so they can see the street better.  

Days away from the office kill me.  I have no entertainment at home.  Nothing to expend energy on without freaking out my yaya.  

I wish I weren't alone but I am.  So there.

If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time

If I could, I wouldn't spend as much time baking in the sun.  What in the world made me think I could come out of that unmarked?  I should have known better. My skin could still be clear now instead of blemished.

If I could, I would do better in school.  What in the world made me think academics would not have any impact on my professional life?  I should have known better.  I could be the boss now instead of just bossy.

If I could, I would value the love I received.  What in the world made me think they will never give up and go?  I should have have known better.  I could be a Mrs. now instead of mistress.

If I could, I would not stop playing the piano.  What in the world made me think that it was a waste of time? I should have known better.  I could be playing now instead of listening.

If I could, I would not stop dancing just because my friend told me I couldn't.  What in the world made me think she was the authority in dance? I should have known better.  I could be Zumba-ing now instead of sticking to combat sports.

If I could, I wouldn't smoke or do drugs.  What in the world made me think that would be cool?  I should have known better.  I could be at 90% lung utilization now instead of a mere 49%

If I could, I wouldn't eat for three adults when I was pregnant.  What in the world made me think that was necessary to having a healthy baby?  I should have known better.  I could have a smooth belly now instead of stretch-marked.

If only I could.

Ah, the things I did when I was young and foolish.  I thought I was smart. I was doing the right thing.  I wonder if I didn't resist my parents' guidance, would I be a better person now?  I wonder if I didn't rebel and did all the stupid things I did, would I be better than what I am today?  I wonder if I would be more successful.  I wonder if I would be richer.  I wonder if I would be prettier.  I wonder if I could have gotten happily married.  I wonder but since I can't turn back the hands of time, I'm living the best way I can.  I strive with what I have which is not to say I lead a beleaguered life.  Not at all.  I'm doing well despite all the setbacks and challenges.  I am generally happy but since I am an insatiable, ungrateful human, it can be better.

I look at my daughter who may not be perfect but is way wiser than I was at her age and I am full of hope and joy at her potentials. She has such a bright future and I hope that she excels in whatever she ends up doing.  She does me proud fierce.

March 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 9 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

Yes, so many people know it all.  They ask you about something and when you answer they reply "I know" as if that's the proper way to express agreement or acceptance.  It's a sure way of getting yelled at by me because if you know then why the 'ell are you bothering me for and by golly, everybody knows it!  

Yes, so many people aren't sure they are expressing themselves clearly.  They say anything and then ask "you know what I'm saying?" as if to make sure you are on the same wavelength.  It's a sure  way of getting yelled at by me because no, I don't know what you're saying so say it again and again and again because I don't care to know and by golly, everybody knows it! 

Thor and I didn't have a month-sary last month  because it's on the 30th. Cheesy!  I know, I know! 

No, I don't know how to segue to what I want to chant on this horrid first day of March!

I'm going to have fun this month and I know it!

I'm going to be closer to a year older this month and I know it!

I'm going to work out harder this month and I know it!

I'm going to run farther this month and I know it!

I'm going to live better this month and I know it!

I'm not going to die this month and I know it!

Y'all know what I'm sayin?

Writing Love Letters

There's an article in last month's RD about writing love letters and it got me thinking about this lost art.  

A Psychology theory states that the left side of the brain is logic while the right side is emotions and never the two shall meet. This is why we get tongue-tied when we are in love.  Logic and emotions repel each other.  Often, we hear people say that love is too wonderful, too magical for words.  It is true.


How then do we have words for feelings?  Did they come from neologists who were not actually in love?  Neologism is produced by psychos after all.  Although I must say that being in love is like going crazy.  I digress...

I can't remember ever receiving love letters.  Clearly, I associated with non-expressive boys.  All I can remember is one blue Garfield greeting card.  On the cover was Garfield pointing at the door saying, "You wanna go? Then go!!!"  Inside, the door is all boarded up and Garfield saying, "No, you're not!"  It came from a guy who caught me fooling around so we split up.  We got back together but a really close friend stole him while I was singing the Tennessee Waltz.  

When Thor holds me in his arms, I am filled with colorful feelings that I cannot identify nor understand.  They simply explode in a kaleidoscope of brilliance.  It is as if I shrunk and got thrown inside a diamond twirling in yellow light.  I am mesmerized.  I am blinded.  When he is away, it is still the same but in a smaller, less than perfect diamond. They still pop and twinkle but tainted with a subdued longing. 

There really are no words good enough!  None!  Even the words I love you said over and over in earnest cannot encompass the enormity of how deep these feelings cut through the very heart of me.  

I attempted to write a love letter to Thor and this is what I have so far:

My darling... 

...

February 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 10 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

It is the month of love!  It is the month when guys can get away with anything cheesy and be appreciated.  The ladies' eyes are a-twinkle as they anticipate what Valentine gimmick their special ones are planning!  Flowers, chocolates, stuffed toys, sweet cards, romantic getaways, candlelit dinners, diamonds... the lucky ones will get something one way or the other and they will tingle for days!  They will gush to their friends about how thoughtful and oh so unbelievably imaginative their boyfriends are.  Oh, how cute!  Oh, how original!  How Youtube-able!  There will be some who not be so lucky.  They will downplay their disappointment in their unromantic, unimaginative boyfriends and concentrate on practical aspects like how they are so reliable and dependable, etc. Sweet!

Those without lovers will come up with a gimmick with family or friends and pretend that Valentine is not important and they do not wish for some romantic gesture.   

Still others will just stay home with family or friends or alone and pretend that Valentine is not important and they do not wish for some romantic gesture.

There will be people like me who will smile and enjoy the Valentine atmosphere and know that even if I am loved, there will not be a special Valentine gimmick simply because it cannot be done.  It should not be done.  I'll think, "Never mind, every other day is mine" and pretend that Valentine is not important and I do not wish for some romantic gesture.  

Ah, Valentine, sweet Valentine...  

"...Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let’s so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever." - Anne Bradstreet

January 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 11 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

Do people still make new year's resolutions?  Or is this a forgotten tradition?  Afterall, hardly anyone actually accomplishes any life-changing resolution. This is a reckless, panicked, spur-of-the-moment act which is the result of Christmas binges and that is your belly hanging out from the top of your low-rise jeans like mine now.  

Well, forgotten or not, I have a bunch of  new year's resolutions for 2013!  You betcha!  They are as follows:

1.  I'll lose the last 5 stubborn pounds that I need to lose.  After I lose the 10 that I gained in the past two weeks.

2.  I'll quit smoking.  After I finish the last 8 packs still left in my supply.  E-cig is the way to go!

3.  I'll grow my hair.  My Da Rock look is too aging lesbian.

4.  I'll be frugal.  No more spending because I can.

5.  I'll not buy shoes with 5-inch heels anymore.  4-inch heels will do.

6.  I'll not buy office clothes this year.  80 dresses, 70 tops and 30 bottoms should last me the year.

7.  I'll not eat Lapid's chicharon anymore.  The Zambales chicharon is better!  

8.  I'll not yell at anyone.  I'll email!!!  Memos left and right!

9.  I'll smile more often.  I'll have to have my teeth cleaned monthly.

10.  I'll see my friends more often.  Stalk them on Facebook!

11.  I'll sleep longer.  I'm aiming for 5 hours every night.  I'll pop sleeping aid.  Tessa, send me some Up and Up please!

12.  I'll read more.  Gotta catch up on all the unread Time and Readers' Digest issues.

13.  I'll write better.  I'll write more meaningfully or meaner.  No mercy!

14.  I'll go to Church.  That's where all the good guys are.

15.  I'll learn how to cook.  This is the surest way for everyone to eat less.

If Cukay reads this, she'll lend me cookbooks. If Kayla reads this she'll be ROTFL!  

On a serious note, I am thankful to all the people who helped me get by in the past year.  I couldn't believe the support and blessings that were given me and many a time I wondered what I did in my past life to deserve it.  I have no words to thank them enough.  All I can do is hope and pray that they have even better years ahead. 

Thanks to my darling, Thor, who saves me everyday.  Yep, you. ;p

My fabulous daughter, Kayla.  Thanks for all the fun, the patience, the good grades and the education.  You teach me something worthwhile occasionally.

2012 was a good year.  

2013 will be fantastic!

Believe me.