If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time

If I could, I wouldn't spend as much time baking in the sun.  What in the world made me think I could come out of that unmarked?  I should have known better. My skin could still be clear now instead of blemished.

If I could, I would do better in school.  What in the world made me think academics would not have any impact on my professional life?  I should have known better.  I could be the boss now instead of just bossy.

If I could, I would value the love I received.  What in the world made me think they will never give up and go?  I should have have known better.  I could be a Mrs. now instead of mistress.

If I could, I would not stop playing the piano.  What in the world made me think that it was a waste of time? I should have known better.  I could be playing now instead of listening.

If I could, I would not stop dancing just because my friend told me I couldn't.  What in the world made me think she was the authority in dance? I should have known better.  I could be Zumba-ing now instead of sticking to combat sports.

If I could, I wouldn't smoke or do drugs.  What in the world made me think that would be cool?  I should have known better.  I could be at 90% lung utilization now instead of a mere 49%

If I could, I wouldn't eat for three adults when I was pregnant.  What in the world made me think that was necessary to having a healthy baby?  I should have known better.  I could have a smooth belly now instead of stretch-marked.

If only I could.

Ah, the things I did when I was young and foolish.  I thought I was smart. I was doing the right thing.  I wonder if I didn't resist my parents' guidance, would I be a better person now?  I wonder if I didn't rebel and did all the stupid things I did, would I be better than what I am today?  I wonder if I would be more successful.  I wonder if I would be richer.  I wonder if I would be prettier.  I wonder if I could have gotten happily married.  I wonder but since I can't turn back the hands of time, I'm living the best way I can.  I strive with what I have which is not to say I lead a beleaguered life.  Not at all.  I'm doing well despite all the setbacks and challenges.  I am generally happy but since I am an insatiable, ungrateful human, it can be better.

I look at my daughter who may not be perfect but is way wiser than I was at her age and I am full of hope and joy at her potentials. She has such a bright future and I hope that she excels in whatever she ends up doing.  She does me proud fierce.