If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time

If I could, I wouldn't spend as much time baking in the sun.  What in the world made me think I could come out of that unmarked?  I should have known better. My skin could still be clear now instead of blemished.

If I could, I would do better in school.  What in the world made me think academics would not have any impact on my professional life?  I should have known better.  I could be the boss now instead of just bossy.

If I could, I would value the love I received.  What in the world made me think they will never give up and go?  I should have have known better.  I could be a Mrs. now instead of mistress.

If I could, I would not stop playing the piano.  What in the world made me think that it was a waste of time? I should have known better.  I could be playing now instead of listening.

If I could, I would not stop dancing just because my friend told me I couldn't.  What in the world made me think she was the authority in dance? I should have known better.  I could be Zumba-ing now instead of sticking to combat sports.

If I could, I wouldn't smoke or do drugs.  What in the world made me think that would be cool?  I should have known better.  I could be at 90% lung utilization now instead of a mere 49%

If I could, I wouldn't eat for three adults when I was pregnant.  What in the world made me think that was necessary to having a healthy baby?  I should have known better.  I could have a smooth belly now instead of stretch-marked.

If only I could.

Ah, the things I did when I was young and foolish.  I thought I was smart. I was doing the right thing.  I wonder if I didn't resist my parents' guidance, would I be a better person now?  I wonder if I didn't rebel and did all the stupid things I did, would I be better than what I am today?  I wonder if I would be more successful.  I wonder if I would be richer.  I wonder if I would be prettier.  I wonder if I could have gotten happily married.  I wonder but since I can't turn back the hands of time, I'm living the best way I can.  I strive with what I have which is not to say I lead a beleaguered life.  Not at all.  I'm doing well despite all the setbacks and challenges.  I am generally happy but since I am an insatiable, ungrateful human, it can be better.

I look at my daughter who may not be perfect but is way wiser than I was at her age and I am full of hope and joy at her potentials. She has such a bright future and I hope that she excels in whatever she ends up doing.  She does me proud fierce.

March 2013

Already?!?

Why, it's practically Christmas!  

Now don't pfft pfft me...you'll hear that from me 9 more times until you KNOW it's Christmas!  

Yes, so many people know it all.  They ask you about something and when you answer they reply "I know" as if that's the proper way to express agreement or acceptance.  It's a sure way of getting yelled at by me because if you know then why the 'ell are you bothering me for and by golly, everybody knows it!  

Yes, so many people aren't sure they are expressing themselves clearly.  They say anything and then ask "you know what I'm saying?" as if to make sure you are on the same wavelength.  It's a sure  way of getting yelled at by me because no, I don't know what you're saying so say it again and again and again because I don't care to know and by golly, everybody knows it! 

Thor and I didn't have a month-sary last month  because it's on the 30th. Cheesy!  I know, I know! 

No, I don't know how to segue to what I want to chant on this horrid first day of March!

I'm going to have fun this month and I know it!

I'm going to be closer to a year older this month and I know it!

I'm going to work out harder this month and I know it!

I'm going to run farther this month and I know it!

I'm going to live better this month and I know it!

I'm not going to die this month and I know it!

Y'all know what I'm sayin?