Sadness in the House

Baby Bans is in critical condition. Her chances are pretty slim. She has a tube in her mouth for fluids and is in incubation with oxygen. She's dying.

My heart is broken because I gave her special care. The old vet, Dr. Carlos, told me she needed special care 2 days after she was born and I gave it. She was fed every 2 hours and I held her close all the time to make her cold body warm. She was my baby. Her sisters treated her special also. They always seemed to let her stay in the middle where it was warmest. They curled around her and over her as if they knew she needed it. Cukay seemed to know, too. She always held her in her arms. Bans went to her Mum whenever she sensed she was in the crib. She crawled just as swiftly and strongly as her sisters so I said she'll be ok. Days went by and her lack in growth became more and more apparent. Today, they are eight days old and she is still small and frail just like a week ago.

She stopped feeding this morning so she was rushed to the hospital. I followed from my office as quickly as I could and I knew in my heart that I might lose her. The vets gave her emergency care and she seemed to do better. I joked that I will just kill her myself when I was preparing to take her home and that's when I noticed her pink snout was blue. She was dying! I wept like a fool and asked Dr. Alvarez to take care of her. She might have a better chance in ICU.

I whispered to her not to die and I promised I would give her plenty of treats when she's bigger. But I think it will not happen. I'm going to lose the little one. Que sera, sera. Old vet, Dr. Carlos, told me it happens and there is nothing we can do about it. Puppies with congenital defects die and if they did survive, they will not be normal. I wanted to tell him I would give her special care if she needed it but I figured he is jaded. He has seen too many pets die. He cares for the pets but if they cannot be saved, well, that's just how life goes.

I am sad. I am very sad.