Somehow these profound thoughts and realizations come to me when I'm in the shower faced with one of my life's dilemmas - what to use? The regular lemony soap or a shower gel. After I choose one and lather my fat and squat body, life thoughts run through my mind.40 years old with nothing significant to show for it. My friends are richer, better-travelled, more successful, perhaps happier, while I am just an average fat and squat 40-year old. I wonder if my Dad dreamed of me being one? I wonder what Kayla would say if I tell her, Anak, I hope someday you will be an average fat and squat 40-year-old with nothing significant to show for her life... that's all I pray for. Would that have terrible psychological effects on her?
At what point in my life did I lose the drive to be bigger than life? When I was young I had to do something all the time. I was hungry and enriched myself with knowledge. I craved to know about anything and everything under the sun. I read about so many subjects and topics aside from the thick, microscopic-font novels. The best I can do now is skim.I still want to do many things but I haven't figured out how to get it going without my actual involvement. I'm still thinking, thinking, thinking.
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