Smoking

I think I'll really try to quit smoking. My daughter has been nagging me to quit ever since she started talking so maybe I'll give it serious effort.

I tried to quit 4 years ago by slowly cutting down and succeeded for a couple of months. Then Jon came into my life. He smokes about 3 packs a day. So like a true-blue addict, I went back to smoking.

Tessa hates smoking and has also been trying to convince me to quit. She sends me all kinds of stuff to help me quit on top of the verbal encouragement. I still have the nicorettes in my bag. My dad banned chewing gum when we were kids so I grew up without ever munching them so the nicorettes stressed my jaws.

Wak is quitting smoking and is using a patch. She's been using it for a few days now and she hasn't had any craving. Maybe I'll try that.

Smoking is the toughest to break amongst all addictions. I've quit drugs and alcohol but the smoking remains. It's not just the craving but it's the physical motions that I look for. It gives my hands something to do. I've been smoking since I was 16 (curse that day)... I even smoked when I was pregnant and my 2 OB-Gyne's fainted each time they checked on me. Oh, the sermons on the effects of smoking on the baby were endless. Luckily, Kayla turned out healthy. I joke my friends that that is the effect of my smoking. She really was an angelic baby. Maybe God briefed her on her Mum before sending her?

I know many people who have quit smoking and started to get allergies or asthma or what-have-you... I worry that it will happen to me, too, but I guess this is just procrastination. A lame excuse to avoid the reality that it is necessary.

24 years of smoking. That's a quarter of a century. More than a generation. A third of a life expectancy. More than half of my life.

One thing I do know, when quitting an addiction, it has to come from your heart. You have to want it 100% or you will fail. You do it for YOURSELF alone. The benefits to the people around you are fringe benefits and can not be the primary reason.

Can I do it? Do I want to do it? I must.