I Am Back!

Here I am again, talking to my own hand just like before.

I seem to keep running out of people to talk to.  There's only one chatmate, Ruth, my beast friend forever, whom I can count on for entertaining conversations.  It really is important that the chat is two-way and so far, I can only jive with her.

There are too many tragedies to speak of since I last wrote.  I saw that it started when Bu left me and took the light out of my life. He was, after all, a favorite chatmate aside from other favorites. So much happiness taken from my life for nothing. 

I lost Florence. She made the picture on my cover here. 

I lost my best friend, David Prout. The fool just dropped dead. Damn. Lucky bastard.

I lost my dream job and my dream team.

All my dogs are gone. They all lived long lives. Cukay was the last to cross and she did so with a quick wave and a little pirouette over the rainbow. Gone in 3 seconds. 

I have lost many cats, one of whom was my little boy George. He loved me so much.

Many times I wonder what my purpose in life is. One broken-hearted day, I got so drunk and went to float in the ocean, still in the shallows, mind you. I looked up to the skies and cried to God and asked what am I here for? I have so much heartache. Why must I be made to suffer like this? In my drunken state, a sober voice spoke in my head... "All this is not about you but what you are here for."

So I got up, for I was in waist-deep waters, peed and marched to the shore muttering to myself "WTF?!? What the effin' 'ellcatshitabaloo is that?!?"

Marching orders. 

Live. 

Not necessary to love. 

Not necessary to laugh.