My darling,
Always remember the following:
I LOVE YOU!
I live for you.
Take care of you because I want you to be at your best.
Play for eagle!
See me in your head so that your eyes will twinkle!
Remember my corny jokes and laugh!
Never be sad... celebrate us and the happy memories because all of mine are from being with you.
Forget my tattoo... the name carved on my heart is yours!
Until bathala...
I have written many times about the woes and joys of my love life. I sometimes think I wrote too much about it in the past but somehow this part of my life is the one that I mull over. For what is there to discuss where my career is concerned? Nothing. My daughter? Nothing. My friends? Nothing much that I can actually talk about. The books I read? I'll leave that to the experts. Politics? No. Economy? No. Social issues? Too messy. Food? Definitely no.
I am left with love. Yes. Mine. Yep, you! ;p
There are thoughts that I can not tell my one true love even if we talk about everything under the sun. Even if no holds are barred when we express our feelings.
The love of my life and after life can not be mine. Sadly, this is our predicament. I love this man to the moon and back even as I send him home to his family. In my heart of hearts I wish I didn't need to but I MUST send him away. When he goes, I try to hide my sadness from him. I act nonchalant as if I don't hurt but he sees and he feels and it saddens him as well. Never mind... for in the morrow, we will embrace again.
I heard a snippet of an old song just now... "All of a sudden, water tastes like wine." That's how it is with us. Life is much more JOYFUL!
I cherish every moment we spend together. There isn't a single minute that I don't bask in. I am blind to his faults. I am deaf to the words that he mispronounces. I am amused when he cracks his 70-year-old golfer jokes. Oh, how we laugh together! We enjoy each other a lot which is why we fall in love deeper everyday.
I know we will part someday and it consumes my soul. Please let it not be soon.
Can death and only death do us part?
I wish.
Summer is my favorite time of the year. I love the brightness of the sunrise! I love the sizzling heat of the day! I love the fieriness of the sunset! I love the stillness of the night! Everything summer makes me feel festive. It makes me wish I can cling to life... to youth... to freedom. Can't it never end?
Summer brings the juiciest and sweetest mangoes of the year! Nothing beats eating chilled mangoes on a humid summer day. And when my belly is full, I can lie down and take a nap like a fat pig. I like to lie still like a log with the fan set to low so that I am touched by a very gentle breeze that doesn't give much relief from the heat and feel my sweat slowly seep out of my pores. It is sweet torture! Remarkably, this is the time when I sleep the deepest. As David, my jaded English friend, always says, I will surely like it in hell.
Isn't it amazing that there is something wonderful in every day? I find that there is always something small and ordinary to be happy about in the world despite all the challenges, the hardship, the trials, the loss, the tragedies, the crime, the disasters that we go through. Like when we go walking in the Meralco compound, the ground is strewn with beautiful deep pink/red/magenta flowers on one stretch and fire tree flowers on the other. How lovely! Cats meow hello to me even if they can smell dog on me. How indulgent! I embrace all of my life fully trusting that the simple pleasures will go on and the problems will someday be resolved.
There is a boy, Mark, who begs for coins in Guadalupe. I give him a coin every time I see him and ask him how he is doing when the light is still red. He tells me he is studying hard and that he buys paper or pencils with the money he gets from begging or gives it to his mother. On his birthday in February or in Christmas I give him more and he expresses his delight with the sunniest smile and a little bow of thanks. He is growing up fast. He used to just reach the bottom of my window but now, he is a full head above it. I always tell him to be careful and to do his best in school and be good. Who knows? He might grow up to be a good man and perhaps remember the woman in the black car with some fondness.
There is a girl in the office that I am strict with. She has so much potential but she is hampered by her timidness. I wish she can deliver better but I am impatient so I can be harsh with her. I don't know how to break her free from her insecurities but then it might not be my job. Maybe I should step back and let her grow on her own lest I do more damage.
All too soon, it will be the end of my carefree, careless life. I occasionally contemplate my life. Have I accomplished my mission? Did I make or break what I was supposed to? No answer to that!
One of the most painful things would be if my dogs outlived me and they will not know where their Mommy is. Will they always wait for me? Will sweet Bawzer's big eyes always look for me? This is a loose end that I need to fix.
Another most painful one is Thor. My spirit will stay by him and gifted people will see me following him all the days of his life and they will see how much I love him. He made my life happier and I know I made him happier with his, too.
What about my daughter? I think this is mission accomplished. I am confident in her strength and wisdom. She will live her life to the fullest and make me proud until the end of her time. I wish she would find a husband who will love, honor and support her forever... will it be Paolo? He is approved.
My Mom? She'll go to her family who will cherish her.
My yaya? She has her family, too.
Ruth? LOL! Bitter is better forever!
David? Bottoms up! Hell can't handle both of us. Hahaha!
Cukay? Bake them cakes, baby!
How long can I live as if today is the last day of my life?
As long as I am alive.
