My Megaquake

I spoke too soon about the absence of heartaches in my life.  Curses! I forgot to knock on wood when I declared it!

I just went through a megaquake that shook the very foundation of our life.  Everything was shattered.  I endured multiple major shocks that rattled every fiber in my body every minute of the day and night for weeks.  The aftershocks were relentless.  All functions stopped.  I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think straight.  I was a mess.  I died.

And for what?  For some pictures I saw on FB.  He claimed ignorance of the flirtation that was plain to see in those pictures.  I didn't believe it.  I was consumed with intense jealousy, bewilderment, disbelief, anger, disgust, disappointment and sadness all at once.  The gamut of emotions reduced me to a crumpled heap of weak, tearful nothingness.

He tried to help me.  I know.  I saw.  I heard.  I felt.  But I was way beyond outside help.  There was absolutely NOTHING anyone can do or say to make me whole.

Twice, he seemed like he wanted to give up on me.  They were like power kicks to my plexus.  They resonated confirmation that for him, leaving me would be as easy as pie.  No sweat.  It's as easy as cutting me off and putting the phone down or telling me never mind.  That was all I was.

The people around me started to notice how I was wasting away.  My yaya kept preparing my favorite dishes that I hardly touched.  My co-workers gave me small gifts and sweet notes to cheer me up.  Then one day, after we tried to resolve the problem the previous night and I got stinking drunk, I woke up free.  There was an eerie silence in my head.  "THE VOICES ARE GONE!" yelled Roland.

I am healed!  Or am I really?  Just like Roland and the unfinished key, the voices are still there albeit faint.  Sometime during that drunken night, one of my other selves, The Special One, gathered me up in her arms and carried me home.  She anointed my broken body with healing oils.  She applied salves to my wounds.  She chanted magic spells.  She drew runes in the air.  She spun a web of protection around me.  Then she went and closed the door that I opened.

Thor is the biggest love of my life.  Perhaps always and forever.  That is the truth.

I am happiest when I am with him.  Perhaps always and forever.  That is the truth.

The pain was unspeakable but I survived.  That is the truth.

Scarred, it is still me in many aspects but I am not the same.

That is the truth.