The AOL kept asking me why I was sacrificing for him. Why am I just gritting my teeth when he's not available to see me? Why do I just smile when he asks me if I'm OK? Why am I not going my merry way like I used to in the first five years of our "thing"?Why indeed?
"I runno" as Tala used to say... Oh, brother! Of course I know but I'll not say it to his face. Of course he knows but he wants to hear it. What a conundrum this is! I suppose this will be how it will be for the rest of our lives. Two people who are loath to show any vulnerability where the other is concerned. Two people who will keep at nonchalance to be safe. Two people doomed to be together yet far apart. How melodramatic we are and yet we both claim to absolutely detest drama. After more than four decades alive, we both are too afraid to take life by its horns.
I'm beginning to understand why he never got hitched. All he needs to live is his career. All his efforts are focused on work. The rest of his life will have to simply grit its teeth until he has time. As for me, well, I runno... I've tried and I've failed and I'll keep trying til the day I find the one who will love me til the day he dies. This time around, I think I should be extremely patient. I'm keeping my horns and my tail tucked in for as long as I possibly can to give this the best chance to succeed.
I'll give him until this weekend.
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