It was a bit painful.Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Limbo
It feels so odd to be in limbo. What does that mean to me? It's being neither here nor there but fully committed.
On the one hand, I am absolutely sure I am infatuated with this one man while on the other, I am busy arranging my dates with other guys. I wonder why I wonder when it seems totally logical to me once written, don't you agree? Relationships should be cultivated like a garden or even allowed to run wild like a jungle.
Limitations need not exist at my age. Why bother? What do I have to lose?
Why is this part of my life always a mess?
My career is going to go wherever it will. My daughter will grow up as she is meant to be. They are steadily headed for an uncertain destiny. No problems there.
But what about my life? Clearly, it is headed for anybody's guess.
I can't even start.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
All This Turmoil
Three weeks between two blogs for 2011.
First blog, what a boring life.
Next blog, oooh, secret, private conversations on channel 2. Oooh. Exciting!
David told me my life swings from one extreme to the other. One day bleak, the next bustling.
I'm like a whirlwind spinning out of control. Perhaps it's the music that I listen to that dictates the pace of my life? Certainly, I enjoy many different genres.
I tried so hard and got so far. In the end, it doesn't even matter.
First blog, what a boring life.
Next blog, oooh, secret, private conversations on channel 2. Oooh. Exciting!
David told me my life swings from one extreme to the other. One day bleak, the next bustling.
I'm like a whirlwind spinning out of control. Perhaps it's the music that I listen to that dictates the pace of my life? Certainly, I enjoy many different genres.
I tried so hard and got so far. In the end, it doesn't even matter.
Talking to My Own Hand
Funny that I feel I am here even when I'm not here.
I have a new special friend who has a special number (which he calls Channel 2) for private conversations. Of course, channel 2 is eternally on quiet mode. It lies hidden away and is heavily protected with 10-digit passwords for every function. I'd be lucky to get a reply within the day.
Why do I bother? Because it feels like blogging. You can just type away about anything under the sun and a rock and no one will shush you. Besides, the private conversations make me smile and feel like a schoolgirl. At my age, that's hard to come by so I grab every chance I get.
As the song goes, "The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing there's someone in this crazy world for me. The way that people come and go through temporary lives, my chance might come and I might never know..." So who cares if I talk to channel 2? Who cares if I wait for a long time for a reply from channel 2? I don't.
When I get a text message I hold my breath for a second in anticipation that it just might be from channel 2. When finally it does come, who cares eh? I feel a teenie-weenie bit disappointed because the suspense is over but then the sweet nothings come and I smile a schoolgirl's secret smile.
I have a new special friend who has a special number (which he calls Channel 2) for private conversations. Of course, channel 2 is eternally on quiet mode. It lies hidden away and is heavily protected with 10-digit passwords for every function. I'd be lucky to get a reply within the day.
Why do I bother? Because it feels like blogging. You can just type away about anything under the sun and a rock and no one will shush you. Besides, the private conversations make me smile and feel like a schoolgirl. At my age, that's hard to come by so I grab every chance I get.
As the song goes, "The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing there's someone in this crazy world for me. The way that people come and go through temporary lives, my chance might come and I might never know..." So who cares if I talk to channel 2? Who cares if I wait for a long time for a reply from channel 2? I don't.
When I get a text message I hold my breath for a second in anticipation that it just might be from channel 2. When finally it does come, who cares eh? I feel a teenie-weenie bit disappointed because the suspense is over but then the sweet nothings come and I smile a schoolgirl's secret smile.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
How You Remind Me
Are we having fun yet? No... no..
Not until we get to the bottom of the bottle.
For the past few days I am struck by how bleak my life is. It is, as Angela Lansbury said, dull. It surprises me and makes me sad. Am I over the hill? Am I "past my prime"? Am I simply someone who can exist unnoticed?
Gone are the days when I went out armed with a bucket of red paint and a paintbrush. Why? Is this the end of that part of my life?
But that cannot be! I haven't even found the place to settle down yet! I am NOT settled down. I am still a wild child at heart albeit dressed in business attire.
And so I cry out silently to the deaf world. This is how you remind me of what I really am. Out of place and out of luck in a world that goes by so fast.
Oh well, Samuel.
Not until we get to the bottom of the bottle.
For the past few days I am struck by how bleak my life is. It is, as Angela Lansbury said, dull. It surprises me and makes me sad. Am I over the hill? Am I "past my prime"? Am I simply someone who can exist unnoticed?
Gone are the days when I went out armed with a bucket of red paint and a paintbrush. Why? Is this the end of that part of my life?
But that cannot be! I haven't even found the place to settle down yet! I am NOT settled down. I am still a wild child at heart albeit dressed in business attire.
And so I cry out silently to the deaf world. This is how you remind me of what I really am. Out of place and out of luck in a world that goes by so fast.
Oh well, Samuel.
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